Once, I asked a co-worker what he thought of another. He said that the co-worker was “likeable” but did not necessarily come across as competent. That has always stuck with me.

I have wondered if women especially rely too much on their likeability and overestimate it as a perceived value add in an organization. I remember having coffee with a mentee, and she told me that a client recently demanded that she work on a particular project, and she wanted to know how she could translate that kind of client feedback into a promotion. I asked her why she thought that the client singled her out, and she gave me an answer that made me cringe: She is likeable and easy to work with. And my reaction? That cannot be number one on your list or even the top three. There has to be another reason that the client picks her out of a sea of other associates.

I received this feedback once myself. And I was dumbfounded that being likeable and easy to work made the list of top things I did well. In fact, it stung.

I am not saying that you should be a jerk. There are studies are that being likeable opens doors and is often a precursor to success. But while being likeable may get someone to talk to you at a mixer or conference, but its not going to be the “it” factor that prompts that person to call you with a project or want to connect on “Linked In.” There has to be something more, like an area of expertise you have cultivated or that you are particularly sharp and on top of it.

And this is where I see women in particular get tripped up. Maybe when women first entered the workforce, being “nice” to work with was helpful or even necessary. But today, being liked alone does nothing to advance your career, and it’s time to stop giving it more credibility than it has – particularly with men.

Instead, if you want to move up the ladder, it helps to develop an objective understanding of where you truly add value to an organization:

– Are you good at spotting fat and saving costs?
– Are you naturally intuitive and consistently provide on-spot advice to your clients regarding market trends?
– Are you the maverick or zealous advocate who can effectively challenge your group to avoid its blindspots or weaknesses?
– Are you a natural leader and inspire your team members and reports while still managing their weaknesses?
– Are you lightning fast in responding to questions or project requests?
– Are you a rainmaker?
– Are you the workerbee?

In fact, what do you do that your clients cannot live without? They can live without someone being nice; other people who work for them are probably nice. But they can’t live without someone who makes them a lot of money or has a high degree of technical competence, which in turn, makes them a lot of money.

So, from now on, I hope that you cringe when your review focuses on your the fact that you are nice to work with. That should only be the beginning of an amazing experience, not a top “three” adjectives in the first paragraph of your retirement bulletin.